1. They protect us. Just ask “Don’t touch the boiling pot” monster and his friend “Sex with strangers (and sometimes partners) hurts.” It’s amazing people still eat and reproduce.
2. They make us stronger. If we took the same energy we use for fighting “Your job will always suck” monster and used it in a boxing ring, we’d win hands down.
3. They justify our cigarette breaks. “Only idiots do this” gets together with “It’s not your fault” and voila! Perfect excuse for a break (a day off, a year off…)
4. They help us look smart. Who knows what would happen if “Seriously? You’re 30!” didn’t hold vigil while a hot 22-year-old was making his move?
5. They keep us from conquering the world and whatever other masochistic endeavors we might dream up. If “This will never work” were a musician, he’d be raking in more royalties than Elvis.